Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Liar, Liar

Did you hear about the chef who got fired for telling the truth? Flatcap did and here's his take on it. 

I dropped on this tale of a chef, allegedly fired by the railway company he worked for after he told passengers why they couldn’t have a full English breakfast. This weren’t a case of him saying. “Don’t you think you’re big enough, you fat bastard, without adding another layer of lard?” Oh no. What makes this news is that he told them the truth. The train was short-staffed and a boiler had broken down, therefore meals were off.
This story comes on the back of the news that whistleblowers in the NHS and other industries are often ostracised and bullied.
It occurs to me that companies do not want employees who tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. In that case, why don’t they employ me? When you talk about lying, I am world class.
It’s true. I’ve fifteen books to my name and they’re all fiction. There’s not a single word of truth in any of them… and that includes my biography. Mind you, those twenty plus years I spent in the wilderness trying to find myself, are not complete lies. I lived in Leeds.
When it comes to telling porkies, I am Olympic standard. Everyone knows I got nicked for speeding last week. What everyone doesn’t know is that I got a round of applause and cries of ‘author, author’ from the cops when I told them I was late for the United pep talk, and the first team couldn’t set foot on the pitch until I’d given them my blessing. I might have got away with it but both cops were City fans.
We’re all brought up to learn that telling the truth is the right way to live our lives. Obviously, the corporate powers that be we brought up differently. Like politicians, they learned that the Flatcap lessons on economical veracity are usually best for your bank balance. And if you do get caught out, blame it on your predecessor.
So if you’re listening, all you chief exec’s, here’s a skilled liar at your service.

Would you prefer to listen to Flatcap delivering most of this post in his own, inimitable style? Click below.

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