Tuesday, 21 April 2015

A Missing Filling and a Lighter Wallet

Flatcap has been to the dentist.. and don’t we know about it?

I noticed a few weeks ago that one of the few teeth I have left was a bit sharp. It felt like the enamel had chipped off. I was at the dentist this morning so he gave it a coat of looking at and said, “You’ve lost a filling.”
According to Her Indoors this is entirely typical. I’m always losing things: glasses, mobile phone, door and car keys.
The difference is they usually turn up. The filling hasn’t. I said to the missus, I said, “I don’t think I’ve lost it. I think someone nicked it while I wasn’t looking.”
She also insisted that if I used my part denture for the purpose for which it was designed instead of a doorstop/ashtray/novelty penholder, my real teeth might survive a little longer. Oh yes? I didn’t notice her complaining when I crimped the edge of that apple pie she baked last summer.
Still the dentist applied a new filling and told me to eat with the other side of my mouth. Trouble is, my pies usually demand a whole mouth, not just half of it.
Because I’m on the NHS, I don’t pay full price, but this appointment still cost me fifty dabs. FIFTY POUNDS!!!! FOR TEN MINUTES’ WORK!!!! He’s on a better rate of pay than my solicitor.
It almost tempted me to have a go myself. My nephew did a few years back. He bought and mixed the amalgam, applied it to his tooth and according to his dentist, he did a pretty good job of it… except that he filled the wrong tooth and he still got stuffed for having the correct one done professionally.
The prices are steep and I’m aware that the dentist has overheads, but using tile grout as a colorant?
Cleaning and scaling? Sure he needs tools for it, and that rough file can’t have come cheap, but I know where I can get the same kind of blowlamp he uses for less than a tenner.
And fillings? I can get a plasterer’s trowel for about five quid from B+Q and Marley Mix is rock bottom cheap. It’s the Bosch hammer drill that cost him. Why can’t he use Black and Decker?

All in all, eating a one-sided pie, I still feel like I’ve paid through the nose… or the molar if you prefer.

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