Thursday, 7 May 2015

Have You Voted?


As a hunter-killer man, I was up early doors this morning, and out there tracking the prey. We needed bread and a packet of sausages. And of course, while we were out, I called in at the polling station to cast my vote.
They say this is one of the closest elections ever. I’m not surprised. I had a hell of a job deciding who to vote for.
I automatically ignored the RAISE TAXES TO 101% AND SPEND IT ALL ON NAPPIES SO WE CAN TAKE CARE OF EVERYONE party. Every time I do my taxes, I get the impression my money is being used to clear off the national debt.
The same can be said for the STOP THE DOLE AND HANG THEM INSTEAD mob. I’ve no time such narrow-minded dipsticks, and anyway I remember the stink he kicked up when the Job Centre stopped his benefit and made him get a job.
I took one look at the flyer for the COMPULSORY TUITION IN THE CORRECT USE OF APOSTROPHE’S gang and forgot about them until they learn how to use apostrophes.
My voting intentions have changed over the years. As a mere stripling, I’d vote for those parties offering free ciggies and 24-hour drinking on the exchequer. Nowadays I look to those wannabes who are in favour of the middle-aged and the elderly.
The WE’VE GOT OUR BUS PASSES, NOW GIVE US SOME BUSES party could have appealed, but I didn’t like the colour of her knickers. I also didn’t like the way she wore them on her head.
So it’s not surprising that it came down to a choice between the FREE BENIDORM WEEKENDS FOR THE OVER-60S party, and the VIAGRA-BURGERS ON THE NHS mob.
In the end, I decided to vote for IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO GETS IN, YOU’RE GONNA GET SHAFTED SO IT MIGHT AS WELL BE US. It’s not that I liked the bloke. I’m not keen on anyone I see picking his fingernails with a flick knife, and he should have put clean overalls on.

But I had to admire his honesty.

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